Trying to Trust

I should be writing an English paper right now, but I'm doing everything I can to not write it. Procrastination at its finest.

I had hoped to write more than just every once in a while, but frankly, I suck at keeping a journal. I actually totally forgot I had a blog. Oh well... It's not like anyone reads it anyway.

Today I would like to catch up on the things that have been going on in my life lately. Lots has happened in the past several months. Since I last posted, I have walked through some of the most difficult times of my life. Right up there with 10th and 11th grade. My first semester of college was pretty rough. I was so ready to just drop out. Even though I am only about 45 minutes away from home, I missed my family terribly. That, along with a violin AND piano teacher who insulted me at almost every lesson, made for a very long semester. Honestly, they are both very nice people and mean well, but their comments came across as very demeaning. I've since gotten used to my violin teacher and I switched piano teachers, so we're all good now.

Moving on... Christmas break 2011. Wow. Remember how I said I missed my family so much? Well, that was true, but moving back home for just a few short weeks was just as difficult (if not, more!) than being away. I had grown accustom to being away and independent, so going back to being controlled and having to follow the rules again was extremely hard. I spent most of my break looking for a job.

Shortly after I returned home, I feel into what was probably the deepest depression I have ever experienced. With that came extreme anxiety as well. It was so miserable, and honestly it is only by the grace of God that I lived through that. I need to point out that it was not directly related to my dad or Jennifer. I have had some pretty deep issues that I didn't even know were in there. I have been working on some serious forgiveness issues. Keep in mind, no one has directly or intentionally hurt me, but I have internalized so much that there is a lot to work though. I believe I am finally moving in the right direction, thanks to the Lord, my amazing counselor, great friends, and my family.

The latest significant piece of news is that I am looking at moving in with a wonderful family from church for the summer. I'm still trying to work it out, but I know that God will provide, and it's ultimately His decision. I'm praying for His wisdom.

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” 

 ~Deuteronomy 31:8